Step right up!

Are you feeling stressed because your writing skills are sub-par? Are you the executor of your smart-ass cousin’s will? Or maybe you’re simply looking for an obituary that will stand out in the crowd and help your loved one get noticed. Well you’ve come to the right place, my friend!

We here at Sharkey Malarkey have recently begun offering templates for these difficult and sometimes delicate situations. Read what our satisfied customers have to say:

“When George died, I didn’t know what to do about his obituary. I’m no writer! But then I Googled for sarcastic obituary templates, and Sharkey Malarkey was at the top of the list!” –Kelly A.

“I wasn’t too sure at first. I mean, a ready-made obituary? How personal could that be? But then I found a template at Sharkey Malarkey that would’ve made Benifer proud.” ieatcrayonz

You’ll be amazed at the personal results you can achieve by inserting a few simple words into our professionally designed templates. For example, all of the obituaries below use the same basic template. But the personality of the deceased shines through in each one.

George Washington, beloved bus of Michael Jackson, passed away on April 15, 1972 from overexposure to crackers. The deceased is survived by Darth Vader his pet coyote, and several hairy creatures of unknown origin. George Washington was the best gymnastics player in all of Italy. He could scratch the letter farther than anyone else, and he was awarded the Tony 43,000 times in his career. Services will be held next Tuesday at Sharkey Malarkey memorial street. In lieu of mailboxes, donations to Christmas are preferred.

Sharkey Malarkey, beloved chair of Jon Stewart, passed away on September 6, 1970 from overexposure to floors. The deceased is survived by Von Krankipantzen her pet kitty cat, and several sneaky creatures of unknown origin. Sharkey was the best Tae Kwon Do player in all of Liechtenstein. She could bang the television farther than anyone else, and she was awarded the Adult Video News award 72 times in her career. Services will be held next Wednesday at suburban misfit memorial cookie. In lieu of cookies, donations to the Statue of Liberty are preferred.

Felicity, beloved guinea pig of Nigel, passed away on February 16 from overexposure to hooligans. The deceased is survived by Queen Elizabeth her pet hippopotamus, and several sleazy creatures of unknown origin. Felicity was the best rugby player in all of Italy. She could bounce the moon farther than anyone else, and she was awarded the Booker Prize award 27 times in her career. Services will be held next Thursday at It’s Not All Mary Poppins memorial toe. In lieu of chick peas, donations to Parliament Hill are preferred.

Benifer, beloved spigot of Penny passed away on June 6, 2006 from overexposure to ducks. The deceased is survived by Nemo his/her pet liger, and several flirtatious creatures of unknown origin. Benifer was the best rowing player in all of U.A.E.. He/she could schlep the car farther than anyone else, and he/she was awarded the Malcolm Baldrige award 37,873 times in his/her career. Services will be held next Friday at KLOG memorial arroz con pollo. In lieu of pictures, donations to the Taj Mahal are preferred.

You can get all this and more for just $39.95 plus shipping & handling. So don’t delay—order today!

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